Chapter 1

Phil watched his mark from his seat at a filthy table with a rickety leg. He had given up trying to eat his hot dog. Even with all the warm relish scraped off, it still smelled wrong and he didn't want to risk a repeat of last week. Phil decided to allow his hunger to inspire him to close this case as soon as possible. He had been stuck on planet Q450 for seventeen days and had survived on a diet consisting of nothing but hot dogs, the only human food available on most planets outside Earth.

Phil's mark, a hairy fat man named Norm Fullmer, was supposed to have met up with his contact ten days ago to make a weapons exchange. Phil's job was to photograph this exchange and follow Norm back to Earth where he would then, presumably, hand it off to the Free Earth Activists which would be enough evidence to get some of them arrested before they could try and blow another portal to pieces.

For the last 17 days, Phil had watched Norm fumble endless phone calls and rendezvous. This was the eighth attempt. The first time, Norm slept through his alarm and didn't make it to the meeting point at all. The second time, Norm had brought a gun to the deal and tried to steal the bomb from the gang he was buying it from. It had taken many pleading apologies from him and a significant price increase to get another meeting. The third time, Norm kept insisting upon seeing what was in the case right then and there before he would hand over the money in spite of police presence right across the street watching them. The fourth, fifth, and sixth times he showed up at the wrong place altogether and the seventh time he didn't bring enough money. Phil was starting to wonder how the FEA had ever accomplished any of their bombings to begin with.

In any case, Phil was finished following the slob around Q450 which was, as far as he could tell, the worst planet in the universe. In the 17 days he was there, his wallet had been stolen 4 times, the hotel room he was staying in had been broken into, he had a violent bout of food poisoning, and had been beaten up one night in a bar when he tried to stop some asshole from stealing his drink. Everything was filthy and old and even the air smelled awful. Phil wasn't about to let Norm screw up another deal. He had sneaked into Norm's apartment early in the morning, checked the suitcase to make sure it had the right amount of money in it, and waited outside until it was time for Norm to leave. When the idiot inevitably slept through his alarm, Phil was ready with an air horn that he blew incessantly outside of Norm's apartment door until he got out of bed and left. Phil followed him to make sure he went in the right direction and for once, he actually did. He would allow nothing to go wrong this time.

Still, for all his planning, he could not stop Norm's contact from being late. They had been waiting half an hour and there was still no sign of a man with a suitcase wearing a red and white Hawaiian shirt to identify himself. Phil could see Norm getting restless and willed him to sit his fat ass down and just have some patience for once so they could both get home. Suddenly, a burly pair of men shuffled quickly behind Norm. The larger of the two reached out to grab him as the smaller discreetly pointed a blaster toward the back of his head. Phil looked around. The contact was nowhere to be seen. His stomach grumbled with hunger.